|
| We're done for good.
Too many tears wasted.
I decided being sad wasn't my thing anymore.
I'll remember our relationship with a smile, but it's time to move one.
Hung out with moose, molly, adam, andrew and sam this weekend.
Lots of fun with the Maine gang. Oh. And me and Yuk TRIED to go to a pitch slapped show.
Didn't turn out so well. Not only did we get snowed on TONS, but we were late and our umbrella broke.
Niiiiice. :/ Pause NOT.
Finals are really getting under my skin, they're messing with my emotions and sleep patterns and eating habits.
Me no like. And I'm getting the why-am-i-here bug again... Yuk said it's because we're first semester. Hope so.
This feeling needs to go away. I just feel like there haven't been like any opportunities for me to perform, except class.
And that sucks. Next semester, when we get back from break, better be wayyyyy better! :)
Christmas needs to hurry up. I need some money (chocolate perks. christmas presents. payne corley.)
<333 | | |
| Everytime I feel somewhat ok about everything, something you say, or something you do, gets under my skin and makes me wonder... It makes me miss you and it makes me miss my old life.... No one else can do that to me... No one. Not my mom, the guys in the band, the guys at school, or anyone that I talk to... Just you. And when you post something that really gets to me, whether it's emotionally, or if it just happens to spark a memory, I can't help but try to figure out what the hell's bothering me... I can't even take a nap because I'm wondering if you're gonna text me back and say something smartass about the immature text i sent you... and now this.... you've done it again ( Not even on purpose) but just by ignoring me.... It drives me crazy, to the point where I post something I shouldn't post, or I send you a message like this rambling about nothing..... Just thought I'd throw that out there... I'm sorry I'm a tin man stranger, but that's how I've been lately, just hang out and enjoy life, and do my best not to be sad. No pity parties, just fun, like I don't have a care in the world, and it works.... Most of the time. Until something comes up and then I just lose it...
Whatever... I'm messed up in the head... Just thought I'd get all of that out.... here's a real reason for you to hate me now... bout time I gave you one
Grant
.......
Ansley.....I'm not offended....you are doing what is best for you.....I know it is hard on you and Grant being so away from friends, family, things familiar....so wrapped up in the "now" but clinging to and remembering the good times of the past, second guessing decisions made for all the right reasons at the time..but maybe struggling to figure out what those reasons were........you can't change the past....but you can change the future....don't read more into Grant's comments than what's there.....you as well as anyone understands the artistic heart and knows that sometimes the best way to figure out your feelings, thoughts, etc. and figure out how to handle it all is through music/lyrics/writing.....
Grant's world is so different from yours..you have time for fun,travel,friends, meeting lots of new friends, (guys and girls).....his world is not so flexible....he is on the fast track....classes 8 hrs.(or more) a day.....mid terms every 2 weeks, finals every 30 days.....irregular schedule, class often at all hours of the night.....very little time between classes and labs,and that time is spent figuring out when to find time to eat, study and sleep.... many Sat. classes, and the close knit group of friends he runs around with are on this same fast track schedule.
He's missing the band, his close guy friends, deer hunting with his dad, Georgia games, home....and if he is honest with himself....probably you and parts of the way things were. But right now, I'm not sure he knows how to handle all that's on his plate and you or anyone for that matter. Long distant relationships cannot survive if both people aren't on the same page. There has to be trust, no jealousy, more trust , no jealousy, and more, more trust and no jealousy! I think there's no time in his life to juggle all of this and I'm betting at times he struggles with that reality.
This gets to be a bit overwhelming emotionally and physically.....and when he writes from the heart or just vents......we just have to listen and try to understand where he's coming from
I will respect your need to "rid me from your Facebook".....but I'm gonna miss ya kiddo.....it's been fun having a small window into your new college life, friends, world.......
Don't be a stranger....we'd love to see you.....happy holidays to you and your family too!
Ann
......i don't really understand what i'm supposed to do. i don't trust grant with my heart. i don't trust myself with his, nobody does. but he keeps coming back to me. ESPECIALLY when i've decided i'm done with him and that i can make it on my own, without him OR any guy for that matter. we're gonna talk over Christmas break. Seeing him is gonna be hard, but I need to stay strong and remember that we just aren't good for each other. He remembers the bad, not the good, and he can't love me the way I want to be loved. As much as I loved us...and the way he made me feel. Eh... no regrets, right? Wrong. That's why tattoos are dumb. IDK why he is so embarassed of our relationship. I guess he felt trapped, and pressured? He's said things that make me feel that way, but if that's true why didnt he either say something to me or break up with me? He kept coming back to me between guys, and as much as he says it's because he can't get another girl that's a load of crap. He can and he did. He TOLD me he kissed another girl and it just didn't compare. I'm getting shaky...One too many all-nighters this week. :(
 | | |
| Now-a-days I'm trying to focusing ally my energy on school, but my thoughts still drift back from him. At first it made me angry with myself. I'd scold myself for smiling when I saw his name places or thought of him when flipping through channels and seeing a football game on, or if a song reminded me of him, or whatever brought me back to him. Then I went through the crying phase where I'd just get really upset and beat myself up over us not being together. Blaming myself the whole time, of coarse, for the breakup...eh. Now I'm just getting over the i-can-think-about-you-and-not-feel-either-way feeling...as of today. I wrote a great song about how I'm in the same place literally as I was last year for thanksgiving, but that my feelings have changed, but I don't know what I'd do if he begged me back...I think if he completely proved himself I'd agree, but what the hell. I need to get over him, because what are the chances of him actually proving himself? He's lost right now, and I might as well move on. There's somebody out there that will be able to appreciate me...all of me, with nothing holding him back. I just need to find him and during Christmas break, and until then, I need to hold back my in-the-moment feelings and leave things be.
"I want you, but I don't need you"-Paramore
I've finally gotten to a place where I can say this is true. I don't want that to hurt him, but I'd like for him to know that it's true. Too bad I know if we talked I wouldn't be able to control myself. I think I need to make a "thankful list" tomorrow. It might just cheer me up.
| | |
| ...is it bad i love declining friend requests from people that have done me wrong? like it really makes my day. why would i show them my info and pictures and bla bla bla if they don't deserve it. is it bad i keep grudges, but only bring them up when i'm mad? is it bad i hate competing for attention? is it bad i feel like i don't have much general knowlege? i feel like one day i'm going to have a convo with somebody and they're just gonna think about what an idiot i am and think i'm a complete fake. i mean fuck them for thinking that...but that would suck. is it bad my day i expect positivity out of everything? i'm let down by people and events almost every single day. is it bad my opinion on my friends can change moment by moment? is it bad i love babies and puppies but hate the responsibility? is it bad i'd get up to dance and be 100%, then sit down and be embarassed and hope nobody saw? is it bad i'm going to school for music and i'm not somebody that sits and looks for new music and artists? is it bad i always want to dress nice, as a present for people i pass on the street? is it bad i love smiling at people whether i'm happy or not? is it bad that even though i don't believe in horoscopes or fortune telling i always secretly believe they might just be right? is it bad i illegally download music? that's bad for sure. how am i gonna pursue a music freakin career when i do stuff like that... i can't wait for the tot and ks rhoads show tonight. thank god karis coming. she's the best.
me and grant are fucking pieces of shit. ha, no really though.
text fighting is so gay. | | |
|
